What do you want?

After last week’s paediatrician appointment, the idea of it being another 6 months at least before we have any answers has dawned on me. Another 6 months of not knowing how to deal with what we don’t actually know, that living in limbo feeling.

Feeling the pain this week as the build up of Luca’s, what seems to be constant, frustration of not being able to tell me what he wants is getting to me. Meal times used to a chance for me to have time out while my three monkey’s ate, the twins have been amazing at eating since they were little, everything and anything! All three of the boys did baby led weaning and took meal times into their own hands (literally).

But for the past couple of weeks now Luca has become very touchy. Throwing tantrums, hissy fits, sometimes even full blown exorcist take over! The thing is I don’t know why, so what do I do to resume the situation, to calm him down? And yes I’m aware this could be normal toddler behaviour, but a normal toddler would be able to communicate to an extent. The boys don’t point to anything, they will drag you places and you could go through the whole kitchen before you actually find out what it is they want! Also if he’s happy eating and you try to straighten out his hair, wipe his face, that’s it, meal times over.

So what do you do when you don’t know what they want? Treat them like a naughty kid? Comfort them? Leave them to cool down? Let them get away with murder?

Tonight, we sit down to have a homemade chicken teriyaki stir fry with rice noodles and lots of veg, one of our favourites and on his 2nd bite that’s it, plate on the floor, why? No idea! What do you want? God knows! What do I do? I felt angry about the waste and mess and frustrated to how I couldn’t  understand and lost that I couldn’t make it better. So I carried on eating my food and let him scream it out till he calmed down a bit, attempted to give him a few pieces individually, that also went on the floor. More tears and cries, once he’d calmed down I attempted to spoon feed him and he ate a fair bit. It feels like a massive leap backwards and who knows if this will be a problem forever but at least he’s got some food in him.

Luca definitely struggles more than Jude currently, but he has his frustrations too. Wish I could see inside their tiny brain and understand. I’ll do whatever it takes to communicate with you boys ❤

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